Chubby Bunny

At this risk of sounding cliché and somewhat whiny:

Morning Sickness is not applicable for morning time WHATSOEVER. The current time is 11:05 PM, and as I listen to both my boyfriend and pup snore loudly next to me, I feel like barfing. Forgive my choice of words – it is wildly appropriate, however, to emphasize this feeling for what it is – gross!

It might just be considered Sac religious to barf up the coveted Rosa Flamingo’s pizza/wings. Pizza Gods, I am sorry. I have done so twice, all that’s left is a dark empty pit inside and a beautiful raspberry-sized embryo named Kangaroo.

It’s somewhat difficult to imagine that a human is developing inside what was already a fairly round belly. My jeans are definitely tighter, even though I’ve reduced my caloric intake by approximately 25,000 a day (reason: vomit), but… well… where’s this big belly? No matter how teeny-tiny ‘Roo is, shouldn’t there be some evidentally-pregnant change? I just feel flabby and fat. Stacey says I am more beautiful than ever. He is a very, very wise man.

But seriously, when was the last time a regular drinker/bad eater completely changed her ways – ie: NO booze, healthier diet, extra exercise – and GAINED weight? Oh, right, when she gets pregnant. Very exciting, I must admit, to see Mother Nature hard at work. She clearly never spent $180 on Seven For All Mankind Denim (which, tragically, tore from butt to waist the other day).

Friends keep telling me to stop complaining. Let me clarify one time – I’m not complaining, I’m in a minor state of shock. And why can’t I be a little timid on the prospect of, in the words of my good friend Shauni, inevitably growing to “the size of a house”? Women are almost instinctively hyper-sensitive about their weight, is that impulse supposed to shut down for 10 months? I’d argue that now more than ever, I am very aware of the changes in my body – the muffin top, for instance, has become a substantial fixture in my day-to-day.

Here’s hoping that Stacey and the pups put on some sympathy weight to balance out the family.

In all seriousness, I am thrilled for the extra weight, the daily nausea, and splitting of the jeans. I really am. I feel like the world’s luckiest girl, and how could I not? An amazing partner in my life, a baby in my belly, two of the greatest canines on the planet, AND we’re going to look at a house today – THIS IS MY LIFE. Forty extra pounds…. Bring it on.

Think I’ll go eat.