The First Law of Thermodynamics says that energy - under normal conditions - cannot be created or destroyed, simply transformed from one type of energy to another.
My 5-week old son, SeÑor Fussy Pants, has thus created a blackhole. His father and I live in this blackhole. Like all others of its kind, our blackhole defies all of Nature’s laws, especially those which state energy cannot be destroyed. ‘Destroyed’ would be putting it mildly. Jack has annihilated it completely, yet we crave to be awake with him constantly. It is a magnificently energy-deprived condition of bliss, laughter, coffee (ohh, the coffee), and poopy diapers.
The first night home, I didn’t think I would make it. Literally, I thought I would either die of exhaustion (if that’s possible), or end up judging myself as a bad mother for sleeping through the baby’s awake time. Stacey and I camped out in the living room – which also doubles as a nursery – and combated the thought of drifting off all night. Everything we did only seemed to make Jack more pissed off – nurse him, burp him, soothe him, BEG him to sleep just a wee bit. He and I ended up snuggling on the recliner until the sun rose. It didn’t seem this way at the time, but looking back – it was perfect.
I used to be addicted to sleep. Now, I am addicted to Jack. I wake ten times a night to stare at him sleeping peacefully in his bassinet. Even during Stacey's 4 am shift, when I have the option to stay in bed snoozing the night away, I get up and offer to warm Jack's bottle. It's especially irritating to Stacey when all I do is peep over his shoulder as he changes the baby's diaper.
I can't help it - from the first moment, I couldn't help it. I love him like I've never loved anything. Even if he destroys all the energy in my world, he created this love - and THAT... I just couldn't live without.